Jul 28, 2022
PERSONIFYING HOPE with MICHELE NEFF
HERNANDEZ
“Every time a critical person in our life is no longer
physically present, we have to reimagine who we are.” – Michele
Neff Hernandez
Episode Summary:
Have you had to recreate your life after losing a loved one?
Have you known someone who is grieving, who seemed lost at sea, and
you haven’t known how to help?
Today we talk with Michele Neff Hernandez. Michelle is the
author of “Different After You:
Rediscovering Yourself and Healing after
Grief and Trauma” and a 2021 CNN hero, a gifted speaker and
committed advocate for the widowed and bereaved. Her creation of
Camp Widow and soaring spirits has brought her international
acclaim.
Michelle regularly speaks to first responders, hospital workers,
religious congregations, and diverse community organizations. She
lives in Southern California.
Listen in to hear how to find support for
your own grieving process, and how to help loved ones in
theirs.
Topics We Discuss:
- [2:40] Michele’s tragic story of how she losing her 40-year-old
husband to a bicycling accident when she was just 35, and parent to
a blended family of six kids.
- [4:25] How Michele’s non profit support groups emerged,
advocating for widowed people.
- [9:00] How widows respond differently depending on how their
person passed. Grief during COVID.
- [11:22] “Grief brain” happens. Whether a loved one’s death is
sudden or expected over a long time.
- [14:14] The uniqueness of each person’s grief process.
- [15:20] Secondary losses beyond the death. Michele’s
example is holding her husband’s grandchild 8 years after his
sudden death.
- [16:20] How people resist being changed by grief. But change by
grief is inevitable.
- [17:40] Being surprised by the loss of the sense of self that
comes with grief.
- [21:28] How those of us who are not widowed can support those
who are in grief. Get to know the new person who will emerge after
their loss. Show up without an expectation of timeline.
- [23:20] The “fishbowl” effect, especially when someone is
widowed young. People backing away when they don’t know what to
say, or conversely, feedback from someone who doesn’t know you well
at all.
- [29:16] Michele’s key to moving forward after her tragic loss:
integration. The “broken vase” concept – always feeling the
loss of your person.
- [34:46] How to avoid guilt and regret when moving forward
through grief.
- [37:55] What Michele thinks happens after a loved one dies,
including the opportunity for ongoing connection, and allowing them
to continue to influence your life.
FOLLOW MICHELE NEFF
HERNANDEZ:
Soaring Spirits International support community can be found here.
Follow Michele and find out more about her book on her website.
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