Dec 15, 2022
“Real freedom is not being
enslaved by any thought or feeling.” – Zen teacher Sensei Koshin
Paley Ellison
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EPISODE SUMMARY:
What does it mean to be
tangled?
Today we talk with Sensei Koshin
Paley Ellison, MFA, LMSW, DMIN, a Zen teacher, Jungian
psychotherapist, ACPE Certified Chaplaincy Educator, and author of
“Untangled: Walking the Eightfold Path to Clarity, Courage, and
Compassion.” After more than a decade as a chaplain and
psychotherapist, Koshin co-founded the New York Zen Center for
Contemplative Care, which offers contemplative approaches to care
through education, care-partnering, and Zen practice.
Listen in to hear what Sensei
Koshin believes is the foundation of belonging and how to show
others compassion.
Topics We Discuss:
- [2:08] To be tangled is a story we all know;
it’s when we’re living in a story and situation where we feel
anxious, overwhelmed, and have a sense of unease. Many of us live
like this just under the surface of what we think is going
well.
- [7:22] In the Zen tradition, they often say
that if you want to work with a practice to do it fully for 30
years and then evaluate how it’s going. This view says it takes
time to undo our habits.
- [9:38] Another Zen teaching is: you’ll never be
free until you can be still with your pain. Once you are able, you
learn to relax in the face of pain and discomfort.
- [13:59] Epigenetic trauma – including Holocaust
trauma - being passed down over generations. For a long time,
Koshin identified as a victim of abuse, resulting in a lack of
trust, and a lack of alignment between his actions and his
words.
- [20:00] Compassion is about connecting to
others and suffering with one another. It is the beginning of love:
to realize it’s amazing that we exist, that we all struggle with
things, and it’s a miracle that we can look at each other and be
alive in this world. This is also the foundation of belonging and
an antidote to loneliness.
- [22:18] Dr. Amy observes it’s increasingly
difficult to find people who are willing to be truly vulnerable and
who are willing to say, “I’m not having the best day today.” The
facades seem to keep going up and up despite these feelings of
loneliness and disconnection, which feel
disingenuous.
- [24:40] Find your five. Ask yourself who in
your life will show up for you no matter what. If you don’t have
five, start with one. Practice how to have relationships that are
meaningful with these people in your life.
- [26:29] Seated meditation in the midst of our
lives is very powerful. Practice meditation to feel grounded all
the time, so that everywhere and every time in your life can be a
place of practice. The posture of how we hold ourselves creates the
container for living clearly and in the time of our
lives.
- [28:29] Enlightenment means to bring in light.
The path of mystery. Ask yourself, “What am I engaged in that
brings in light, clarity, courage, and compassion?” For Koshin,
it’s when his values and actions are aligned and he is feeling
clear.
- [30:45] Koshin’s
experiences with people who are approaching death. What he finds
most amazing is that each person’s passing is unique to them. What
causes the greatest end-of-life regret is a lack of courage and
compassion in life.
FOLLOW KOSHIN PALEY ELLISON:
Find Koshin and the programs he
offers on his website or on Instagram.
His new book, “Untangled:
Walking the Eightfold Path to Clarity, Courage, and Compassion” is
available on
Amazon.
Life, Death and the Space Between is brought to you
by:
Dr. Amy Robbins | Host,
Executive Producer
PJ Duke | Executive
Producer
2 Market Media | Sound & Video
Editing
Mara Stallins | Outreach &
Social Media Strategy
Claire | Clairperk.com | Podcast Cover Design